LeNnieZz’ VeNtiLatiNg RuBBish BiN

Dearest Friendster Blog,

I’m sorry to have to say this to you…
But I’ve decided to bail on you for Blogspot.

You’re too high maintenance for me Friendster blog.
And I just don’t think we’re meant to be.
I’ve spent so many nights thinking about the right path for us.
And finally I decided that…
Maybe in the future you would find a better Blogger to take my place.
You’re a great blog.
Leaving you is my lost, not yours.
And rest assure that Blogspot will take very good care of me.
I wish you all the best Friendster blog,
And I’ll never forget the times we had together.
You’ve been a great listener, and I’ll always miss you.

*grins*

People… if my buLLtalk crap actually appeals to you,
(for whatever funky unexplainable reasons)
Its at http://lenlennielenniez.blogspot.com now!

Cheers!

ps: If you were to visit, do feel free to gimme a shout in my shoutbox k?

I woke up at 8am today… Toss and turned for a while, and finally gave in to the sunlight calling out to me tru the gaps of my blinds. But waking up and getting outta bed are two different issues. As soon as I opened my eyes, my head started spinning and the event of last nite came started replaying in my mind. *nitemare* lol but a fun nitemare. Hangovers are a torture. *bleak*

Anyway, today I spent the whole day at home. First I was focused on making my headache go away. So I spent a few hours sitting in my living room, just lazying. After replying to a few messages and sms-es, I got this sudden urge to write a song. AND I DID. *lol* Amazing how inspiration comes during one’s suckiest moments. But Im glad… Another song to add to my sucky collection. Yay!

So I’d say today was pretty good. *pats own back*

x LeNnie

Friendster is so messed up. *wonders if they’d ban my blog becuz of that statement* Anyway, how issit possible that I can’t view my blog, but I’m allowed to post? Its been days now. I click on "view blog" and it comes up empty with a "done" sign at the bottom left of my internet browser. *sigh* Therefore, yea. Friendster is messed up. There!! I said it again!! SUE ME!!!

*blush* sorry… I dont know where that outburst came from.

ANYWAY, what I really wanted to write about is something I happened to realise and I guess u can say, "learnt". Its something I never usually do, until recently.

You know when people say "swollow your words"? Today, I learnt that by saying that, they mean literally swollowing. You know, like when you wanna say something that might just come out being hurtful, debatable, argumentable, provocating or simply unecessary… you "Swollow". Swollow air, your saliva, whatever!… Just swollow. You’d feel as if what you wanted to say, no longer feels like "being said" anymore.

That is, if you’re not purposely trying to get into a fight. ^^

TODAY RAWKS. Why?! - I don’t know. It just does. hahaa After all, there must be a reason why I’m feeling soOo extraordinarily happy rite?

hahaHa maybe my neighbour is taking weed and its so strong I got a bit too much of it too? aah I don’t knoww… But I love today. 22nd July. Anyone’s Birthday? Cuz I could kiss that person right this instant! (No Carlo, yours is February) *lol* I hope everyone out there is having a great day too! *HUGGIES*

And KaLo waLo… permission to link my site? hahaa wat site? not that old one with countless embarrassing pics I hope. haha are u having a great day?? Cuz u should! Its your 281 month old Birthday!! Oh… I’m misusing my blog. ANYWAY, Happy 281 Month Birthday Carlooo!!!

Sherlene Lee needs to learn.
Sherlene Lee needs to listen.
Sherlene Lee needs to plan.
Sherlene Lee needs to follow her plans.
Sherlene Lee needs to control her life.
Sherlene Lee needs to control her emotions.
Sherlene Lee needs to control her tone of voice.
Sherlene Lee needs to control her mouth.
Sherlene Lee needs to know when to speak and when to shut up.
Sherlene Lee needs to control her facial expressions.
Sherlene Lee needs to smile more.
Sherlene Lee needs to correct her body clock.
Sherlene Lee needs to put her life back on track.
Sherlene Lee needs to find a job.
Sherlene Lee needs to put her time to good use.
Sherlene Lee needs to bath at earlier hours.
Sherlene Lee needs to wake up early.
Sherlene Lee needs to make daily exercise a habit.
Sherlene Lee needs to drink more water.
Sherlene Lee needs to help out with gardening.
Sherlene Lee needs to stop day dreaming.
Sherlene Lee needs to be more realistic.
Sherlene Lee needs to eat less sweet/unhealthy junk food.
Sherlene Lee needs to set her priorities right.
Sherlene Lee needs to be more optimistic.
Sherlene Lee needs to stop jumping into conlusions at the very first instance.
Sherlene Lee needs to stop thinking too much.
Sherlene Lee needs to be more confident.
Sherlene Lee needs to take more risks.
Sherlene Lee needs to think for herself.
Sherlene Lee needs to be more mature.
Sherlene Lee needs to be happy for herself.
Sherlene Lee needs to understand that the world is cruel.
Sherlene Lee needs to let go of unnecessary things in life.
Sherlene Lee needs to believe less in fairy tales.
Sherlene Lee needs to stop being her own worst critic.
Sherlene Lee needs to stop being so bossy.
Sherlene Lee needs to spend less time on the internet.
Sherlene Lee needs to study consistantly.
Sherlene Lee needs to cook more at home.
Sherlene Lee needs to go out and have more fun.
Sherlene Lee needs to write off "sleeping" as her favourite past time.
Sherlene Lee needs to know whats right and wrong for her.
Sherlene Lee needs to spend less time worrying about insignificant matters.
Sherlene Lee needs to be more helpful, understanding, supportive & strong.
Sherlene Lee needs to improve her singing.
Sherlene Lee needs to watch less DVDs.
Sherlene Lee needs to stop spending so recklessly.
Sherlene Lee needs to download more songs for her win. media player.
Sherlene Lee needs to be more active.
Sherlene Lee needs to keep her mind on the right things.
Sherlene Lee needs to protect her heart.
Sherlene Lee needs to understand that the right guy does not come by everyday.
Sherlene Lee needs to be happier.
Sherlene Lee needs to WAKE UP AND REALISE SHE HASN’T BEEN SHERLENE LEE FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS IN UNI!!

*sigh*

I’m not gonna be able to do any of this. SHOOT ME.

Are u familiar with the green monster?? The one that climbs on your shoulder without your permission or any sort of invitation?? THATS when the worst of all feelings take over you… It blinds you from what’s really important. It places u in this emotional turmoil… One you can’t handle and one you can’t get rid of. You know you shouldn’t be feeling this… or allowing that stuuuupid green monster to get its way… but somehow, you can’t get it off your shoulder either!

These are all psychological… A whole load of psychological bullshyte. Alrite… here’s how I’m going to handle it. IGNORANCE. Yes, thats my key. Don’t give two shytes about whats going on, don’t give two shytes about him, her or it, and don’t give anyyyy shyte about ANYTHING. hahaa…

yea rite.

TO HELL WITH THE BIG "J"!!!! THE MOST TORMENTING FEELING ANYONE COULD EVER FEEL!!

- JEALOUSY!!!                         *lol* tsk tsk tsk… drama drama drama…

All of a sudden, I feel sick. Sick in the stomach. You know how you get this sudden wissh-wossh kinda feeling in your stomach? - and its not caused by food poisoning or having too much to eat. Its more like, the kinda wissh-wossh when you suddenly realised or hear something that is far from good news.

No… dont worry. I didn’t recieve any bad news or anything today. Oh… aside from the news about exams results being available on the 11th July. Argh… I dont know whats up with me. Mix-emotions are becoming a habit now. One moment, I know what I want… and the next, I think of something better… then, after much much mucccch more thoughts, I end up back in square one.

oH… I just realised I’ve mixed two different problems into one. Now the two earlier paragraphs doesn’t seem speak my mind anymore. As in, it does, but it doesn’t flow on the way it does. aH maNn… now I’m confusing myself. Mixed emotion #3 just kicked in. The sense of wanting to cry, but can’t think of a reason to.

Geez… Im going to bed.

Hmm… human emotions are weird sometimes, dont u think? At a point where they should be happy, they end up feeling sad. And what people see is, "something good happened, why is she looking so gloomy??" - Well, I dont know if this happens to the best of everyone, but that definitely applies to… well… me.

I’m probably just being drama-ish… But, sometimes, when u feel something, u can’t just tell yourself you don’t feel it. U know what I mean? Specially when you have tried to keep a positive mind, and it’s simply not working. And what happens from then on is the feeling gets worse and worse because its builds up each and every day. And then what happens?

I guess I should probably just go back to my reciting my earlier mantra. "Do not crack. Do Not CRACK."

You know that type of conversation… those that are really important and would only happen once… and it all happens faster than you can imagine? And in the middle of it, a very sensitive and important question is posed, and you get this really painful answer in response… With that, you try to continue the convo like nothing went wrong cuz that is what the other party is doing as well. In seconds, the convo is over. Right after, you re-read what was said, sulk some more, and then realise that there could be another meaning to the answer that was given. Another meaning that would turn the entire situation 360 degrees for the better. Then, you feel restless, yearning to find out what the answer really meant. Whether it was what u initially made out of it, or could it be the second?

Problem is, you can’t possibly relive that conversation and there is no way you can re-ask… And it would not be wise to bring up the topic again to get a confirmation on your doubts. What do u do? - *sigh*

At the end, 10 minutes later… after you’ve gone over the conversation for the 595th time, you realise (or finally convinced yourself) that the true meaning was the first one all along. And the second possibility is more of an excuse you created for yourself to regain some hope that things could actually be great. Oh well, it fooled me for a while.

x LeNnie

Life is getting interesting, but pretty hectic at the same time… Exams are in less than a Month, I’m moving to a new place muchhh further away from Uni, and the FA Cup finals *MU v Arsenal* is on Saturday night. Its all about BIG EVENTS!

Lately, I’ve been feeling rather glum. Before this, I was an emotional wreak… I’m blaming it on PMS. Anywayz, yeaa… Its probably because of my messed up body-clock which I just can’t seem to get right, or the fact that life hasn’t really been going up-hill lately. In addition to that, there’s an 80% chance that I would fail in my finals… *pat on back* Lifeee… Argh!

Then again, I’m hoping my mood would switch for the better after Saturday night. ie: When I see MU carry the FA Cup up proud! *Have faith… have faith* GLORY GLORY MU!!

Anywayz, in reference to the title of my post, I’m gonna try keep things together and not allow myself to crack. I might not have all the support in the world, and I just realised how much I miss one part of my life, BUT… this ain’t gonna stop me from moving forward. Yea, thats right. CRUEL WORLD… I’m not gonna let u keep me down!